Helpful Hints for Building Independence As parents, a good chunk of your time is invested in being there for your children and helping them manage themselves better. From waking them up, tidying up their room, and ironing their clothes, to sitting with them as they work on their Toddle tasks and calling them for dinner at least a dozen times before they finally hear you and make an appearance at the dining table. Being a parent is a full-time job. What tends to happen sometimes is that we forget that our children are growing and learning and are in fact able to go about some of their tasks/routines independently. Building independence in children helps them develop a sense of responsibility and self-confidence, and is something you can work towards very early on. Here are some tips that might help build independence in your child: Create a routine Children appreciate predictability, stability, and routine. Setting a routine that is followed consistently enables children to take up small responsibilities along the way. Since they are familiar with the routine and the expectations set around it, they are more comfortable being independent. Identify opportunities for independence Sit with your child and jot down a few tasks they might be capable of and comfortable with doing independently. These could include brushing their teeth, setting their alarm or even watering the plants. Start small. Try not to micromanage Allowing your child to complete a task independently is one thing. Keeping yourself from hovering and micromanaging is totally another. As much as you would like to oversee the nitty gritties, remind yourself that without some amount of trust, there is very little that can be accomplished. Let them do it the way they think or feel is best. You will always have an opportunity to reflect with them on how the task could be done differently, without making them feel bad for not getting it right immediately. Remember, when you trust your child, you are also instilling in them a sense of responsibility, accountability, and self-esteem. Do not demand perfection Aim for progress over perfection. She is bound to spill milk unintentionally. He is probably not going to put away his books in the correct order. Show them how it’s done, without criticism. Allow them to know things like these happen to everyone and that it’s okay to make mistakes. Offer labelled praise Don’t sweat the small stuff. Appreciate their attempt, no matter how feeble. If he’s got his hoodie on the wrong way, at some point he is bound to get uncomfortable and will take notice of it. What you could say is, “You got dressed on your own. Good job. I’m sure you will wear your hoodie the right way around tomorrow.” Make it fun! Helping your child become independent shouldn’t have to be a chore. Throw in some fun challenges and watch them surprise you! Allow them to see that being independent is not stifling or cumbersome. Neeti Sarkar PYP Counsellor Helpful Hints for Setting Routines
Children are creatures of habit. Routines help them feel secure and function more effectively. However, getting your child into a routine might be a bit of a challenge at first. Here are some tips that may help: Start by establishing important times Mealtimes and bedtime should be as non-negotiable and as consistent as possible, especially on school days. Children love consistency. Their minds and bodies will adapt. Prepare your child Talk with your child about why you are setting up a routine. Tell them what their routine will look like so they know what to expect and are not suddenly dysregulated when you ask them to go to bed earlier than usual, for example. When children know what to expect, they will eventually be confident to take the initiative to do things independently. Confidence is built when expectations are known. Involve your child Take into consideration any inputs/thoughts/ideas your child might have to include in their daily routine. Listen actively. Co-create. Give them a few choices of activities to pick from to include in their routine. This sense of autonomy will help them develop self-management skills and be more responsible. Be patient with your child You cannot expect to see them adapt to a new routine overnight. For example, if they are used to going to bed at 8pm, on Day 1, try to get them in bed by 7:45pm. On Day 2, try moving it back by another 15 minutes. Use a visual schedule Setting a schedule is good. Creating a visual schedule is great! Simplify your child's weekly routines by creating a visual schedule to post on the wall/refrigerator in a common space. You could start off by first adding their Zoom sessions. Fill in the rest of their schedule with meal times, play time, brain breaks, family activities, and time for them to pursue their interests/hobbies. Make adjustments as needed There are going to be holidays to take, birthday parties to attend, and sleepovers to host. Remember, it’s okay to be flexible and enjoy being spontaneous from time to time. However, getting back on track after is key to ensuring your child follows and enjoys the routine you have established together. Be a good role model Children pay attention to our actions more than they do to our words. When your child sees that you have your own routine too that you are trying to be consistent with, they will see that your words match your actions, and will be more willing to embrace and adjust to their own routine. All the best! You’ve got this! Neeti Sarkar Primary Student Counsellor |
Neeti Sarkar
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